Raising and educating the children is one of the most important duties of the parents.
Allah Swt says(meaning and interpretation):
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels, stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded”
It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s household and is responsible for her flock. A servant is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for his flock.” He said: and I think he said, “A man is the shepherd of his father’s wealth and is responsible for his flock. Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 583; Muslim, 1829.
During these times we hear and see young and older children deviating, so many people and families getting separated and destroyed…especially in the west. You hear children on the streets using foul language openly, even in the presence of elders. You see them with head phones/music, loud music in the cars, fast cars driving like maniacs being careless of running over other kids or running people down, expensive brand named clothing, caps worn in a weird way, jeans dragging and hanging low, girlfriend and boy friend being a normal thing…. basically imitating the kuffar.
On the other hand, how many children do you see wearing thobes or other dresses that denote Islam? Wearing a kufi, shimag or turban, or simply being well behaved, well mannered and respectable towards others, establishing salah in the masjid, mentioning the name of Allah and His Messenger (Peace and blessings be upon him) or having the habit of reading Islamic books or going to Islamic stores? The lack of well established Muslim youth may be a result of unknowledgable parents.
Some parents that are ignorant themselves and lack knowledge of the deen do not pay much heed to their children, and the children pick up the habits from them. If the parents take salah lightly then that’s how the child may take it. Spoiling the child and not disciplining him/her from the start is a big mistake. Additionally, disciplining the children needs to be done appropriately, unlike some parents that just go in extremes and start beating their children openly, especially on the face… not knowing that Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If any one of you has a fight with his brother, let him avoid the face.” (al-Bukhaari, 2560; Muslim, 2612). Hitting people on the face is Haram and according to the hadeeth narrated by Abu Bakrah and others, which was recorded by Abu Dawood and others, about the woman who had committed adultery, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded that she should be stoned to death, and said, ‘Stone her, but avoid the face.’ (Narrated by Abu Dawood, 4/152). If that is the command in the case of one who is being punished and is going to die anyway, then the rule is even more applicable in cases of lesser severity.” Hence the face should be untouched…period. In contrast, once in a while, we see Muslim parents that out full effort into rasing an upright child.
There are some parents who adhere to the deen and raise their children up properly and rebuke them from an early age. Some of the real life examples being a young 4 year old girl correcting the salah of a random lady, others such as eating with the right hand or simply saying Alhamdulillah after sneezing. Some people home school their children, as a matter of fact many have started doing this which I personally think is one of the best things to do, even if you are in the lands of the Muslim, this option should be looked into. For those that have been to public schools and colleges may know all that takes place there from drugs to illegal relationships etc. With all of this said, one might wonder: “So what is the best parenting method?”
First and foremost, an important point worth noting: Parents must NOT go into extremes!
Striking a balance between extreme parenting and deficient parenting is very important. On one hand, spoiling children and not implementing important discipline and manners within the child can lead to severe problems. Every parent wants to raise an upright child and being very lenient can cause a child to take advantage of such an attitude. In contrast, extreme parenting measures can be just as bad for the child. Being too strict on every matter can make a child uncomfortable…even afraid of his/her parents. This is very problematic as it ruins the foundation of a happy home.
The best approach is to balance parenting methods so that there’s a time for everything. Parents must put lots of concern on knowledge of the deen, but they should also allow for the child to engage in secular education, as they can benefit the child in many ways. Aside from education, children need recreation. Having family days with fun and productive activities can be quite enjoyable for the child as well as the parents. Also, family dinners are always a good idea as they strengthen family ties (which is important in Islam) and they also provide a chance to have fun with relatives. Any time children spend doing something good is less time for the kids to spend their time in unbenficial things…like TV.
One of the issues as I remember reading somewhere is regarding the TV. The TV tends to become the third parent of the household. Much of the stuff that comes from TV, even cartoons, teach a lot bad stuff. They may involve music/ singing, dancing, indecent scenes etc. A lot of western influce to teenagers also comes from TV where they immitate the singers and waste their time watching shows which serve no benefit and deviate a person from the rememberence of his lord.
This topic is important and may need further discussion to elaborate and understand several issues involved. One of the present day Sheikha’s advice’s regarding the education of children in her book entitled ‘Naseehatee lin-Nisaa’ (My Advice to the Women), authored by Umm ‘Abdillaah al-Waadi’iyyah, the daughter of the late Imaam of Yemen, al-‘Allaamah Muqbil Ibn Haadee al-Waadi’ee –rahimahullaah- Umm ‘Abdillaah is from those who are grounded in Islaamic knowledge as her noble father has mentioned.
Who is Umm ’Abdillaah al-Waadi’iyyah?
Stated al-’Allaamah Muqbil Ibn Haadee al-Waadi’ee – rahimahullaah – concerning his daughter – Umm ’Abdillaah al-Waadi’iyyah, “She has benefited (mustafeedah) and is a strong researcher. She has writings, from them: Naseehatee lin-Nisaa‘ [published], al-Jaami’us-Saheeh fil-’Ilm wa Fadlihi [to be published] and al-Jaami’us-Saheeh fish-Shamaa‘ilil-Muhammadiyyah [published]. Indeed, many of her sisters for the sake of Allaah have benefited from her. So she has taught them, at-Tawheed, Sifatus-Salaatin-Nabee of al-Albaanee, at-Tuhfatus-Sanniyyah and al-Baa’ithul-Hatheeth. Indeed, they have benefited and some from amongst them have become benefited researchers of the books of Sunnah. May Allaah grant us and them steadfastness upon the truth. Indeed, He is capable of everything.” Taken from Tarjumah Abee ’Abdur-Rahmaan (p. 52) of Imaam Muqbil Ibn Haadee.
After introducing some of the primary responsibilities of the husband and the wife in an Islaamic marriage, the noble sister explains twenty-one points with proofs and evidences from the Qur’aan and authentic sunnah on the topic of raising children:
1. To teach the child, ‘Where is Allaah?’
2. Instructing the child to eat with his/her right-hand.
3. Teaching the child not to blow on hot food/drinks.
4. Instruct the child by age 1-1½ to mention ‘bismillah’ upon eating/drinking.
5. To teach the child the pillars of Islaam and eemaan.
6. To teach the child the rulings of wudhoo.
7. Eat with your right hand and eat which is near to you.
8. Get them accustomed with good and command them with salaat at 7yrs of age.
9. Arrange their beds separately when they are 10yrs of age.
10. Accustom them with fasting.
11. Teach your child the correct ‘aqeedah.
12. Advice your child with that which Luqmaan advised his child. (Refrain from shirk, for it is the great form of zhulm(wrongdoing)).
13. To seek permission to enter a house or a room.
14. Teach them the matters which are forbidden that they main abstain from them.
15. Explaining the meaning of an aayah or hadeeth that is being read to them.
16. Connect their hearts to Allaah.
17. Give concern to the memorisation of the Qur’aan.
18. Do not leave your children to mix with foolish children.
19. Do not leave your child outside in the evening.
20. Allow the child to play, give them some alone time, and do not make learning boring.
21. Make your child sit with those who are righteous.
I hope this serves as a benefit to me, you and all others and May Allah Swt bestow His infinite mercy on all of us and grant us righteous children. Ameen.
سبحانك الله وبحمدك اشهد الا اله الا انت استغفرك واتوب اليك
Tags: advice for educating the muslim children, child education in islam, educating the muslim children, islamic education, muslim children education, umm abdillaah al-waadiiyaah, Umm ’Abdillaah al-Waadi’iyyah